In my third Ayahuasca ceremony at the Bolivian retreat, I experienced a profound encounter with Mother Nature herself.
An experience that revealed valuable insights about freedom, responsibility, and my connection to the natural world.
June 21, 2019
This morning at 8:00 am, I attended yoga once again, as I set my alarm this morning to make sure I wouldn’t oversleep.
After breakfast, four of the participants (including myself) went into the jungle with our shaman “Niño“ to find something edible from the jungle to make our lunch a bit more exotic.
It was very interesting to see and taste all the edible and healthy things that the jungle has to offer in order to survive.
And everything we tried tasted really good!
Including termites on a salad stalk (plant stem).
Of course, not the entire lunch consisted of what the jungle had to offer, although I would have had absolutely no problem with that.
Every time we took something from the jungle, we thanked Pacha Mama (Mother Nature) for it.
Today, I also received three of “Niño’s“ special supply of cigarettes made from natural tobacco, which are good for the Ayahuasca ceremonies.
However, you must not inhale the smoke, but blow it out directly from your mouth.
Today, I smoked two of them, and the last one will be saved for the final Ayahuasca ceremony.
Today’s meditation session was a special drum meditation, as today is Solstice (the start of summer).
That is why today’s Ayahuasca ceremony promises to be particularly powerful.
Also, because today we will be drinking our own homemade Ayahuasca, which was prepared and cooked super fresh with our own energy, sweat, and blisters.
Our shaman said even Ayahuasca will know that we helped with the preparation, that we all want to learn from Ayahuasca, and that we don’t even shy away from hard work to be able to cook Ayahuasca.
I am very curious about what I will have to report tomorrow.
The only “problem” I have is that I don’t know what else to ask Ayahuasca.
Probably, I will ask Ayahuasca how I can most easily achieve my goals in life, or if my next steps in life are the right ones, or if I should take a different direction.
We shall see. Hopefully, tomorrow I will know more.
We will start again at 8 pm!
22.06.2019
First of all, WOW!!! Unbelievable!! Indescribable!!! So much more than I could have ever dreamed of!!!!
The beginning of the ceremony is always relatively similar until everyone has drunk their first glass of Ayahuasca.
After the first “glass,” I only had to wait about 10-15 minutes to feel the first effects of Ayahuasca.
I saw small insects and beetles, many green leaves and plants, and every now and then, I saw the insects magnified through a microscope, with every little detail.
I also noticed that many were looking at me and observing me, but it gave me the feeling of complete safety.
The insects didn’t want to harm me, they just wanted to watch me occasionally.
My question that I had decided on at the end was:
“What is the best way to achieve financial freedom?”
And every time I tried to focus on that question, all the effects of Ayahuasca disappeared suddenly, as if they had never been there.
The effects came back as soon as I stopped concentrating too much on the question.
This happened to me about four times during the first “glass.” After the fourth time, the effects of Ayahuasca disappeared for quite a while, and I had to wait about 20-30 minutes to receive the second “glass” of Ayahuasca.
It felt like it was neither the right time nor the right question for this ceremony.
Just a feeling, nothing else.
When it was time for the second “glass,” I was very happy that the shaman “Niño“ changed his mind from half a “glass” to a full one.
I can’t say exactly why because I had a hard time drinking the second glass without throwing up right there, but it felt right!
After everyone who wanted to drink their second glass had done so, it didn’t take long for Ayahuasca to return.
I tried to return to my original question about financial freedom, but it was completely pointless, as Ayahuasca laid the entire nature at my feet with full force and energy.
Everything was green, the whole jungle was alive and moving.
Big green roots were snaking wildly everywhere through the jungle, and animals were living everywhere!
Every animal one could imagine.
Animals of the jungle, the wide steppes of Africa, Australia, and every other living creature were gathered there.
Flowers, more colorful than the other!
And Ayahuasca was the queen of everything.
She connected everything with each other.
Everyone looked up to her.
It went on like this for a while, and I couldn’t get enough of it.
Every living being was in complete harmony, and it seemed that there were no external influences.
Nothing disturbed the harmony in the slightest.
Throughout the entire ceremony, I moved continuously and completely uncontrollably.
I stretched, bent, twisted, stretched, and my fingers did what they wanted.
I felt so much energy in my body that it was simply impossible to lie still.
Sometimes the energy calmed down a bit, so that I could lie still for a moment before the next energy surge approached and triggered uncontrollable movements again.
When it was time to go to the toilet for the first time, Ayahuasca respectfully withdrew not to distract me during the toilet visit.
Although she let me walk unsteadily to the toilet, I didn’t have any major hallucinations.
This made it surprisingly comfortable to go to the toilet.
From the moment I set off for the toilet with my headlamp until I returned to my mattress, I always tried to be as quiet and inconspicuous as possible.
Just not to disturb or bother the others. Just as I’ve always done in my life.
I never wanted to burden anyone with my problems and was always interested in others’ well-being before mine.
I always thought that what I wanted or would like to do always came after what others wanted and expected of me.
That’s why it surprised me so much that Ayahuasca chose me to talk to.
First, she introduced herself to me (that’s why I know “it” is a female spirit).
And next, something completely unexpected happened… She thanked ME(!) for coming all the way from Germany to meet her.
She felt very honored and flattered.
In that moment, my heart felt warm and I felt very appreciated.
It felt really good to be valued by a “higher life form” like that.
Feeling so valued was something I had been missing for a long time.
Simply because it seems to me that nobody really understands or wants to accept my path in life.
The feeling was overwhelming!
Then she allowed me to “ascend” to have a conversation with her as equals, by her side.
In the background, I could hear the shaman singing, retreat participants who had to vomit, go to the toilet, laugh, scream and cry.
Ayahuasca explained to me during that time that every participant who trusts her gets exactly what they need in that moment.
She helps everyone who comes a long way to visit her.
All she needs from someone is the trust that Ayahuasca knows what’s good for them.
And I believed every single word.
She will help anyone who has the right reasons to seek her out.
However, with the wrong reasons, or when she is compared to drugs (which she does not like), she gets angry and may make you feel it.
She exists to heal and unite, not for a wild drug ride!
Trust, trust, trust!
As a reason for why one has to vomit and have diarrhea from her, she told me:
“That is the price she demands.
It doesn’t matter if it’s sooner or later, but eventually, everyone has to pay.
Everything has its price… that is her price and there are no exceptions.
Everything has its price and everyone pays their debts somehow.”
Every time it was time to go to the bathroom, she reminded me that it was time to pay.
She always respectfully withdrew (visually), but continued to talk to me.
She reminded me that everyone will have their turn eventually, and that it’s time for me to settle my debts.
She told me not to be ashamed, that it is what it is, and it’s okay as it is.
So, I made my way to the toilet and let Ayahuasca bring/guide me.
When I got to the toilet and saw that it was full of poop and the flush wasn’t working (which was not a hallucination, but I wasn’t sure), I suddenly saw vomit on all the walls and the door, on my hands and my clothes (which were hallucinations, but I wasn’t sure).
Ayahuasca explained to me again that this was all part of the process and it was time to pay up.
However, since I didn’t really want to, Ayahuasca gently merged with my body, cleaned the toilet seat as best as it could, and then at the right moment, I sat on the toilet.
Then my butt exploded with thunder and rumbling, and suddenly I had a volcanic eruption that wiped out the dinosaurs in front of my eyes, and right after that, I felt a real sense of happiness.
Ayahuasca reminded me afterwards that it wasn’t as bad as I had imagined it to be and that my debts were now settled.
When I was back on my mattress, Ayahuasca appeared to me in the form of a rare white tiger (female) with some purple glitter in its black stripes and very blue eyes (bright blue/husky eyes).
And when she whispered to me that she never shows herself in this form, only today because it’s a very special night, and that only I get to see her like this, it became our little secret, and I promised her not to reveal her true form to any other spirits.
Then she disappeared, walking backwards into the dark night.
About 10 seconds after Ayahuasca disappeared into the dark night, Pacha Mama (Mother Nature) appeared to me and introduced herself.
She told me that she (obviously also female) created and brought to life all the creatures on Earth, that everything on Earth is interconnected and comes from the same energy source (Mother Nature).
She loves every little bit on this Earth, whether it’s humans, animals, plants, objects, storms or anything else.
Everything has a reason to be here on our planet, even if we don’t understand some things right away.
And then she explained to me that everything has a beginning and an end, even if it’s sometimes hard to understand or accept.
Life has a beginning and an end, whether it is a journey, a relationship, a career, building a house, life on our planet, or even for Mother Nature herself.
Some things end sooner than others, but one thing is certain, everything ends eventually.
But that’s why I never bury my head in the sand and stop enjoying and admiring life.
Every ending also offers a new beginning.
You just have to keep your eyes, or rather your senses open to recognize and appreciate new beginnings.
Then I saw a huge otherworldly green network of roots that grew in the middle of the jungle, in the heart of Mother Nature, moving gently like the surface of the ocean.
Large “lava bubbles” in the shape of plants with grass overgrown formed on the roots, seeming to float.
But the bubbles were still connected to Mother Nature’s roots.
I flew very quickly to many individual bubbles, and on each one, I saw in slow motion the faces of my entire family and friends, those I have and had.
It didn’t matter if they were still alive or already dead.
Everyone was there, including people I didn’t expect or hadn’t thought of for a long time.
Everyone was smiling and happy!
Some looked directly into my eyes, while others smiled at other family members.
Each one was connected to Mother Nature!
It was overwhelming! Simply overwhelming!
Then I flew to a bubble that touched me deeply:
This bubble showed me, Sanja, and our unborn, deceased baby, who didn’t make it very far in life.
I held Sanja tightly in my arms, and she held me.
We almost merged into one being, we hugged each other so tightly.
We smiled into each other’s eyes.
I also saw the passion and affection that almost led to our shared child.
The embryo of our unborn child was buried directly beneath us, but we did not grieve.
We thanked him, even though he had not been with us for long.
Mother Nature reminded me time and again that everything has a beginning and an end, even if it ends much too soon.
Remember and honor the time we shared, and never forget what we experienced.
That’s why Mother Nature reminded me of the tattoo I want to get, so I can remember our unborn child and the beautiful time with Sanja for the rest of my life.
I shouldn’t wait any longer than necessary to get the tattoo.
Don’t waste any more time waiting!
I will take that to heart and get it done at the next opportunity.
Mother Nature also revealed to me what the only thing is, that every living being truly seeks.
Warmth, security, and the hope of finding a partner for life, as it was in the Stone Age already.
In today’s world, it is much more difficult because everyone wants everything and has too high expectations.
And the technology of today’s world does not make it easier to find a suitable partner.
If anything, it only makes everything more difficult.
But everyone is looking for a suitable partner!
Then Mother Nature showed me the complete story, her story, of our planet.
From the birth of Mother Nature (Big Bang) to the present day.
After the Big Bang, she was born and I could see her heartbeat covered by the glowing hot layer of rocks and lava.
As she cooled down and oceans and plants grew, you could gradually see her starting to breathe (expand and contract).
With each breath, the energy/power of Mother Nature increased, expanding over the entire planet.
Over time, she also became more intelligent.
Every day she learned something new and life literally sprouted from the ground.
She repeatedly wiped out almost all life on Earth because it was time to forge new paths and ways.
That is why we had multiple ice ages and volcanic eruptions, among other things, which led to the extinction of the dinosaurs, to clear the way for the era of mammals.
She showed me all of this without wanting to cover up anything. Nothing but the naked truth.
I also saw in fast forward the movement of the tectonic plates of our continents, how monkeys evolved over time into “intelligent” humans, how the family of sapiens always looked for a suitable partner, the strong and intelligent survived and the weak and dumb eventually became extinct.
Evolution continues without pause.
Always forward, never backward.
That will always be the case, whether one likes it or not.
I saw how small tribes built houses that slowly grew into cities and then into mega-cities.
And Mother Nature watched everything with excitement, interest, and admiration.
She sees and observes everything and everyone at all times.
You are never alone.
That should never be forgotten!
She is everywhere, in any object.
She is present in everything, even in things created by human hands, because everything comes from our beautiful planet, and thus from Mother Nature.
She loves the world as it is, even if humanity often treats her worse than good.
That’s life, it’s not always beautiful and sunny.
Sometimes it is also painful and depressing.
Mother Nature is not exempt from that either.
She knows that very well!
As it was coming to an end, I even received an indirect response to my initial question about financial freedom from Mother Nature herself, which was:
Always remember that you have a choice in everything.
You have the freedom to shape your life however you want.
You can decide everything yourself, your whole life is in your hands.
And if you are not happy, you are solely responsible, and no one else is to blame.
You make the decisions in your life, no one else.
If you are not happy, then change what makes you unhappy.
You have to make every decision, no matter how small!
No one can take that from you!
Whatever I choose, Mother Nature can accept everything and she will watch with great interest.
But of course, she would be very happy if I decided on something related to nature to show people what Mother Nature has to offer.
People are increasingly forgetting that she exists and how beautiful and tender she can be.
Mother Nature is very patient, it doesn’t have to be immediate, but it would be very nice in the future!
At the very end, Mother Nature revealed to me that Ayahuasca is her right hand (which is why Ayahuasca is also feminine) to communicate directly with humans and to build a portal to Mother Nature when the situation demands it.
I should never forget what Ayahuasca and Mother Nature have shown and taught me tonight.
I should also spread the knowledge and opportunities that Ayahuasca offers.
Also, that Ayahuasca can heal everything or has immense power/energy to heal.
I should tell people about Ayahuasca who have never heard of her before.
Which I will definitely do.
Everyone should have the chance to get to know Ayahuasca.
When the vision was “fading away,” an image or a symbol burned itself into my memory, which according to Ayahuasca and Mother Nature, I should get as a tattoo to remind people of both, even if I don’t think about it myself.
To make people curious so they can ask about it themselves if they want to.
Further insights and notes from today’s ceremony:
The reason why I kept moving during the ceremony was that I was a caterpillar ready to become a butterfly.
But I couldn’t break out of the cocoon because the time wasn’t right yet.
However, the time is very soon.
I was already completely transformed and changed.
I just had to break the thin shell or skin.
The ceremony last night lasted over 6 hours, and after it was over, I was so blown away that I grinned for a while and couldn’t speak until I had processed the experience a bit.
I also quickly went back to the bungalow, paid my remaining bills in the form of diarrhea, and went to bed.
Oh yeah, I kept seeing a big dragon lurking deep down in a very dark place in my body, just waiting for the day when I set him free so that he can cause destruction.
Hopefully, that day won’t come anytime soon.
Every person has a dragon inside them.
Whether it breaks out or not depends on how well you can control it.
And one more thing… you can achieve anything you want in your life.
It doesn’t matter if anyone else believes in your dream!
As long as you believe in it and do everything you can to make your dream come true, you can achieve it.
No matter what others think about it.
Even if you believe in Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster and other mythical creatures, it’s your right.
No one has ever found evidence against the existence of mythical creatures, and people know far less than they think.
Today, I spent the whole day eating and writing again, so I will never forget my experience.
Tomorrow night is our last Ayahuasca ceremony… a bit sad, but everything has a beginning and an end! 😉
This is the fourth part of my diary entries from the Ayahuasca retreat in Bolivia.
If you want to learn more about my experiences, follow me on my social media channels for updates on new posts.
