Wonderful and at the Same Time Frightening Fourth Ayahuasca Ceremony
04.05.2024
Today we also spent the day very leisurely with good food.
We took some more photos today of us and nature.
Since it rained almost all day yesterday, we really enjoyed the whole day today with great weather and sunshine.
Today we even got a real Bolivian hot chocolate, which was made from the cocoa beans that came from the garden at the “Laguna Verde,” where we got the little tour.
It was very delicious!
This evening we will also have our fourth and last ceremony here at “Casa de Pawua” with Niño and his brothers.
They are doing this ceremony only for us, which is actually already a private ceremony.
This will surely be a great conclusion to the retreat and will be very special.
We are both very excited again.
Before the ceremony, Niño kept telling us that our last ceremony will be “muy fuerte,” meaning very strong.
At this point, we still had absolutely no idea what we should imagine under that.
Now, after we had the ceremony, I have to or can only say:
Wow!
Incredible!
Wow, wow, wow, wow!!!
There are actually no words to bring this experience to paper!
I will try my best, but no efforts will be enough for it.
Simply too incredible.
Niño is simply a king of the jungle!
But one thing after another.
Let’s start at the beginning.
Like the last times too, we gathered in the Maloka at 08:30 PM and opened the ceremony.
When we all received our Ayahuasca from Niño (I got 1.5 cups right at the beginning) and had made ourselves comfortable on our mats again, it didn’t take long until Niño started to sing and play his instruments.
For this ceremony, Niño also put on a very special garment, which looked very impressive from the beginning and somehow gave off a strong energy.
In the first hour or a bit more, I again only felt something very slightly while my dad was already fighting and working quite a bit.
While Niño was working with my dad, I kept thinking about asking if I could get a bit more Ayahuasca.
But since I didn’t want to disturb him while working with my dad, I thought I’d sit up straight so that he might ask if everything is okay during a small break.
I thought I would use this opportunity to ask for a small cup once more.
But since he made no attempts at all to address me again after quite a while, I had to be content with the fact that I won’t get anything more and possibly won’t feel much again.
In hindsight, I’m sure he knew what was still to come and that’s why he didn’t come to me.
So I lay down again and hoped that Ayahuasca would at least help to heal my dad.
Then I would definitely be very satisfied and happy.
Nevertheless, I kept thinking that despite everything, since it’s our last ceremony, it would be nice to have the opportunity to thank Ayahuasca personally once more for everything.
And once more, even if only for a brief moment, to be in the world of Ayahuasca.
And then, as if Ayahuasca had heard what I wished for, she approached slowly but surely and picked me up and took me on another, last journey.
So far at this retreat, the colors, especially in the third ceremony, were quite realistic and not too bright.
But now, when I was picked up this time, the colors were incredibly bright and glaring, almost neon colors.
Something from the complete color palette, and it kept getting brighter and more intense.
Now comes the part that is actually impossible to describe…
Everything was colorful and moved.
There were many overlapping layers that shifted over each other in different directions.
Until suddenly everywhere and next to each other very bright and colorful hexagonal puzzle pieces in different colors were everywhere around me, and everything moved like calm waves on the ocean.
From left to right and up and down.
In the respective hexagons were small to large insects that writhed and turned as if they were going through an evolution.
Beetles, worms, caterpillars, ants, butterflies, mosquitoes, maggots, also bacteria and cells, and everything you can still imagine.
This went on for quite a while, and I could hardly get out of the admiration.
Again and again, I thanked Ayahuasca for taking the time after all and taking me on this unique journey.
I also kept thinking that this is an incredibly great farewell from an unforgettable retreat and that I am now definitely satisfied.
And then it really got started!
Hard to believe, but that was really just the beginning.
I can no longer say exactly how the switch or transition happened, but suddenly I was in the world of the dinosaurs.
I was suddenly on a large wide grassy area, surrounded by a huge wild jungle.
Dinosaurs ran out everywhere.
It was really like I had jumped completely real into this world and into this time.
The dinosaurs simply walked right past me and didn’t pay much attention to me.
There were also only large herbivores to be seen, far and wide no carnivores or scavengers like, for example, a Tyrannosaurus Rex or raptors to be seen.
Currently, I’m reading the book by Bill Bryson, “A Short History of Nearly Everything,” and again and again the researchers who found the first dinosaur bones and provided the first evidence for the era of the dinosaurs appeared in the sky and disappeared again.
Again and again, I had almost identical experiences as in Jurassic Park.
I was right in the middle of it.
Again and again, I was in this laboratory where they raised or hatched the eggs and looked at the processes.
Then I was suddenly in the jeep with which they drove through the parks and zones.
However, I didn’t have fences but open areas and huge rainforests.
And suddenly the feeling of Jurassic Park was gone again.
The jeeps were gone, and I was alone again, without a jeep, on the large wide grassy area.
Suddenly there were many huge mosquitoes and huge dragonflies around me and kept trying to attack and sting me.
A few also succeeded, and others flew very close past me.
When I say huge, then the size of the body is about one meter to 1.5 meters long and a wingspan of about two meters.
So really huge!
There in this world, I was really for a very long time and enjoyed every moment incredibly.
And suddenly, out of nowhere and completely unexpected, something, a jaguar, roared and screamed so much that it ripped me out of this world of dinosaurs in one blow.
My heart almost stopped, and it scared me incredibly.
This shook my inner world completely, so that it went through my marrow and bone.
This fear and panic is impossible to describe.
I thought, now my time has come to die and be eaten by the jaguar.
I was so startled, and it was so real that I immediately (and also the only time at all) opened my eyes to see where the jaguar was.
I had the feeling as if the jaguar was in the middle of the Maloka and about to devour us.
It was indescribably terrifying, simply terrifying!
So when I opened my eyes in shock, I could actually see a huge jaguar in the Maloka, which shortly afterwards fused with our shaman.
On the second scream, a combination of jaguar and shaman stood before me and shook everything around me and in me through all existing dimensions and made it tremble.
Every straight line I saw distorted and warped like at high frequencies.
I felt this fear and panic in every corner of my body.
I don’t know if I have ever been so afraid of something in my life.
I will never be able to describe well enough how terrifying that was.
Since I had my eyes open at this point, I could have thought that I could still see a huge anaconda making its rounds in the roof structure of the Maloka.
And a few other animals too, but since I was so shaken by the hissing of the jaguar, I couldn’t really recognize anything.
It took some time until I had calmed down a bit again.
When I had finally calmed down a bit again, I gradually dove back into the world of the dinosaurs from which I had been so violently torn before.
For the rest of the ceremony, I had to or wanted to keep thinking about this moment of terror and understood that this moment was a kind of warning from Ayahuasca to me.
Even though Ayahuasca can help us, heal us, or bring us joy, she can also just as easily teach us fear if Ayahuasca decided to.
You should always approach Ayahuasca with respect and humility and never take her healing power for granted.
Ayahuasca and Mother Nature are a gift that you should always appreciate and perceive as very special.
Otherwise, Ayahuasca can very quickly unleash hell on us and mentally break and destroy us.
Ayahuasca and Mother Nature are extremely powerful.
So when I was back in the world of the dinos, I was lying very relaxed on the large meadow and enjoying the moment.
When the shaman Niño tickled my feet with a plant fan and slowly tickled up and down my body, I opened my eyes in thoughts lying on the large meadow and saw how a dinosaur sniffed me from top to bottom.
I had to smirk and grin at that.
When Niño’s dog Montesuma then also pressed his wet nose into my face and walked over me, I had the feeling that another dinosaur was interested in me and licked my face.
That somehow made me very happy, which reminded me of a good connection to the dinos.
Because of this feeling, I then had to think about my family.
And suddenly I saw the rough contours of my two grandfathers, which I just couldn’t see clearly enough.
But I somehow knew it was them.
Only when my two grandmothers appeared could I also see my grandfathers.
Presumably simply because they complement each other.
Then suddenly my parents appeared, and I became aware of how well or excellently they raised me and my brother and how grateful we must be for such great parents.
With full dedication and sacrifice, they always tried to make everything possible for us that we wanted or needed.
With my mom, I also stayed for a longer time and had to realize or admit that I wasn’t always fair to her.
Also to my father, but at this moment everything revolved around my mom.
It’s high time that I show my love for my mom better and hug her more often and give her just as much support and security as she has done all these years.
She always tried to help us as best she could, and even more, no matter what I or we asked her for.
And it’s time to appreciate and give back!
As soon as I come back from this journey, that will change.
Then I saw my brother with his family.
When I saw and admired my niece, I noticed that I had never held my niece in my arms and that I definitely have to or want to change that too.
When my brother’s daughter was three days old, he offered me to hold her.
At that time, I still said no because I was of the opinion that the first days of a new life are very important to only be with the parents.
The new life must first adjust and get used to their parents and the new world.
The transition should be as gentle as possible in my opinion, and at the beginning, surely too many people already want to welcome the baby to the world anyway.
Some who have already had children themselves could certainly confirm that.
Since then, however, there would have been several times when it would have been appropriate, but I didn’t ask.
I’m incredibly sorry about that since it would have certainly also pleased Bernd.
After all, I’m the uncle of the little one.
I will also change that as soon as possible as soon as I’m back home.
Then gradually all members of our large family came before my eyes, from uncles and aunts, godparents, cousins, and their children, simply each and every one.
Then I remembered that after my last trip, I wanted to organize a meeting once a month where everyone is invited to come if they feel like it and have time so as not to completely lose sight of each other.
I just have to take the first step and reach out my hand.
Someone has to take the first step.
I will do that now.
In between, I kept having the fable or the environment of the dinos around me.
Then, when the ceremony slowly but surely came to an end, Niño sang once more really powerfully and loudly.
It was a wonderful song, and he sang so loudly that I had the image of him as “Shaman Maestro” before me.
He stood on a mountain range and sang loudly into the mountains and the rainforest so that the whole world and all dimensions heard him.
With his incredibly great and energetic garment.
He had his hands stretched into the air as he sang, and I could only think that he is a true king of the jungle and a master in dealing with Ayahuasca.
I am immeasurably grateful to him for many incredible things and will never forget him in my life.
I owe him forever, and I will think of something how I can give it back to him in small parts someday.
Many heartfelt thanks for all the incredible experiences I was able to have with you!
When the ceremony was then almost over, I still used the opportunity to thank Ayahuasca and Pacha Mama once more with all my heart for this incredible retreat and this incredible final ceremony!
At this point, there were still beautiful and very colorful patterns to be seen!
And when Niño and his brother then initiated the ceremony and the final ritual, I noticed that they took some time to wake up my dad.
I heard several times how they addressed him by his name and he simply didn’t react.
Klaus…, Klaus…, Klaus…
I’m not sure if ten times were enough until he got a little fright and woke up.
I had to really grin and almost laughed to myself.
It seemed as if he had won the fight against cancer and then treated himself to a well-deserved break.
When the ceremony was then over, we talked for a while before we slowly made our way down.
When I then brought our pillows and blankets into our hut, I saw a large, about 30 cm long gecko on our wall.
I had to admire him for a while since I just thought, here sits one of the last remnants of the dinosaur era.
What a coincidence that I see the so far only gecko on this healing journey just then, shortly after I was in the land of the dinosaurs.
Whether that’s true or not, I unfortunately really can’t say at the moment, but it definitely seemed like it was.
Simply everything incredible!
What an experience!
Oh yes, the toilet experience:
In the fourth and last ceremony, I wanted to and initially did it the same way as in the third ceremony when I determined when and if I go to the bathroom.
That also worked for 75% of the ceremony.
But suddenly I got very dizzy and sick, and I suddenly had real pressure in my throat.
At this point, I started to doubt whether I could control it this time too.
Then suddenly Ayahuasca told me that I now have to choose whether I go to the bathroom or throw up.
But from some body opening, Ayahuasca is now pushing a large amount out of me.
Whether I want to or not.
But I at least have the choice of where.
Only I have to decide quickly.
So I quite quickly made my way to the bathroom because I didn’t necessarily want to throw up.
The way to the bathroom was very difficult since I was very dizzy and also had a hard time with balance.
But it was high time since the pressure in my throat kept increasing.
And when I finally sat on the toilet, it started.
It was an incredible relief, that much I can say without going into too much detail.
It took a while until I had finished everything, but the pressure in my throat decreased directly from the beginning, and when I was done, the pressure was completely gone.
Then I felt good again, and I could wobble back to the Maloka.
And a few minutes later, I was in another world again.
05.05.2024
This morning, after our last ceremony, we were still so blown away that we didn’t know how to put what we experienced into words.
Talking was still very difficult for me.
Since we also got ready quite soon after breakfast for the way back to Rurrenabaque, we decided to give ourselves some more time to organize our thoughts and only write everything down in Rurrenabaque.
Arrived in Rurrenabaque, we were dropped off again at the “Hotel Pampas & Selva” and then checked in there for our remaining stay in Rurrenabaque.
Then we treated ourselves to something delicious for lunch at La Cabaña Restaurant and afterwards started writing down our experiences on the rooftop terrace.
We wrote on this day until late at night until we had formulated everything reasonably.
Writing is a very important process and should be taken very seriously.
06.05.2024
For today and tomorrow, we had actually planned a fishing trip over two days and one night, but unfortunately, nothing came of it.
We would have gone with Niño and one of his friends, but unfortunately, his friend canceled very short notice this morning.
But the alternative plan was also really great!
We made a day trip with Niño and his brothers Chiqui and Arnold to the not too far away national park “Madidi El Bala.”
A really beautiful national park with beautiful plants and animals.
On the way, we made a small stop upstream of the Beni River to drink a super delicious, self-pressed sugarcane juice.
We were allowed to press it ourselves in a large old wooden juice press with large rollers and a long tree trunk as a lever.
The sugarcane juice was then filled into a coconut shell, and if you wanted, you could squeeze in half a lime, which I also did.
The taste was incredibly good!
It was also very surprising how much juice came out of only three sugarcane stalks.
It was surely almost ten liters.
There we also pre-ordered lunch and then continued upstream.
When we arrived at our location, we took two walks in different places, which were both very beautiful in their own way and in the middle of the jungle.
Even though it rained very heavily in between, it was a great little adventure.
We also saw quite a few different animals (monkeys, spiders, termites, jungle pigs, eagles, parrots, etc.).
We also climbed up a high observation tower, which was actually no longer accessible because almost everything consisted of more or less rotten wood.
You had to walk very carefully and skip several steps because they were simply too broken and would have broken if you had stood on them.
Even if you walked very carefully, it was a lottery whether the steps would still hold for you or break! 😀
In the end, we ran a bit out of time, and we had to hurry quite a bit to still come reasonably on time for lunch or rather for the very late lunch at around 04:00 or 05:00 PM.
The food itself was excellent!
There was fish cooked in fresh banana leaves and in bamboo tubes with typical Bolivian side dishes.
